Mirror

“How does she look?” asked his friends. This is never meant to answer with honesty. You get to lie about that. Because no matter how she looks they are going to make fun of her and one might not have the appetite for that.

“Square face, small forehead, eyes and teeth like a rabbit, straight nose, small ears like a kid, and with all this she looks full of life and excited about life all the time.” He thought but didn’t say a word, because he knew what would happen.

“Man, say it. How does she look ?” another friend asked.

“Just like another girl. Just that her eyes and teeth are like a rabbit.” He said.

“Oh, rabbit means bunny. that’s a nice name.” friends joked and all laughed at the same time. He too smiled while thinking of her.

Time flies. The family welcomed Radha as their daughter. Her excitement about marriage was on another level. Be it an invitation card or food menu or decoration of the home or her wedding dress or Kuber’s wedding dress or his attire, or how would be she be welcomed, she was excited about everything and wanted every bit of it before it happens. It kept her happy and would jump around talking about these things like a bunny would. Thus Kuber called her bunny.

She was so excited about her entry at her new home that she was giving directions to the cameraman as she had seen on youtube and not the other way around. As she took the first step into the home everyone could feel the happiness she would bring to the house and bless her. The girl who makes everyone laugh at her entry would fill the house with happiness. That turned out to be true indeed.

She was full of life. She did not need much to celebrate, she could survive and live happily in the least possible. Her in-laws knew that very well so they would take care of everything. Radha would wake up early and help her mother-in-law with daily chores. When Kuber gets ready she would stay with him. She loved him. She used to enact the way he used to get ready in front of the mirror of the dressing table. He did not like the bindi that she put on the mirror which would hinder his side poses sometimes. They would hug before he left for the post office. They were not modern in life but they had seen movies so they wanted to enjoy that.

There was not much to be done in an afternoon. She and her mother-in-law would do some additional work if there was any or she would learn knitting or sewing. Otherwise, she would spend her time in their room, staring at their photo from marriage on the front wall. At a particular time, sunlight would come into the room and fall on the mirror of the dressing table and reflect on their photo. She didn’t like that at all. She would then pick a white sheet and cover the window with that so that sunlight doesn’t enter the room. This would happen almost daily. She would cover the window with the white sheet and then go back to the dressing table to get ready and enact Kuber or to bed to stare back at the photo on the wall and sleep after some time.

One such afternoon. She was feeling sleepy. Doorbell rang. She thought her mother-in-law would check who is it because she was feeling sleepy. So she slept back. The doorbell rang back. She decided to dive into sleep. Then she heard a scream which made her alert in a minuscule amount of time. It was my mother-in-law. She ran outwards. A policeman was there at the door, mother was on the floor crying and father was holding mother and heard tears in his eyes and was holding mother.

She ran towards them to see what had happened. She held her mother and helped her to sit on the chair nearby. Father was consoling her. She wanted to ask what had happened but she was too young and afraid to ask as she could feel the gravity of the situation and knew something bad must have happened. She looked at the policeman who looked at her back. She then looked back at her father who was looking at her mother who was crying without taking a breath. Then Mother held her hand so tightly that she didn’t understand either what or why.

“It’s gonna be fine. Even if you are not fine then isn’t it better to exist and think that it’s going to be fine until it’s not fine and when it’s fine you can handle it then. There is no sense to ruin it right now.” She thought and started thinking about how can she bring things back to normal.

“Kya hua?” (What happened?) She turned to the policeman and asked.

Policeman could see her rabbit like eyes which would usually be full of hope but now were afraid to hear what might come next. Her bunny teeth were clearly visible as she was waiting for an answer. Policeman had the gut feeling that she could be Kuber’s wife as she was wearing sindoor.

“Kuber met an accident and ..”, policeman paused for a second to see the reaction.

“where is he now?” She questioned.

The policeman couldn’t look her in the eyes and started looking at the floor. Mother held her hand more tightly and father started crying heavily now and told her just by moving his neck that he is no more.

Radha turned numb at that very moment. Things turned blurry. People, clothes, colors everything was blurry. A Tsunami of emotions couldn’t be handled by her. She didn’t know how to react. She decided to sit on the floor as she knew this was too much to handle.

People entered the home, carrying Kuber with them on a stretcher. Radha saw Kuber lying there, not a single body movement. Maybe he is sleeping, she thought. But She has never seen him sleeping. He sleeps after her and wakes up before she does. She hoped that he is sleeping.

She went towards the place where they kept his body. Mother and father followed her. She tried to wake him up, but he didn’t move. She shook him a little harder but still, there was no movement. She placed her hand on his face and tried calling out his name but words didn’t leave her mouth. Every time she was not okay, he could read her face and ask if she was okay. But today he didn’t open his eyes when she needed him the most. She touched him, hugged him, and wanted to immerse in him as two water streams do and make one. She wanted to say that she is not okay, but again, she couldn’t speak. She felt like she lost her voice.

A cloud of emotions burst upon her and this time this was unbearable. Tears left eyes like even eyes forgot how to hold them down. She cried but the voice didn’t come out. She felt like she just lost her voice. Maybe she couldn’t listen to her screams because the noise inside was a lot more than the noise inside.

It’s heavy to carry the dead with you and probably that’s why people burn or bury them and move on in life. We don’t understand the void our absence would create in the life of people around us. Every time we miss that paradise we are chasing moves one step far from us. We sacrifice ourselves to be in love and make a paradise for us to live in. That’s the cost of being in love. Every time we lose someone we love, we lose a part of ourselves.

She was sitting in her room. Looking at the photo on the wall she thought that it was hard to fill up the void that Kuber’s absence has created in his life. She couldn’t stop crying because now no one would ask her if she is okay. The Ocean of love he had for her where she would swim without fear, is now no more.

Life turned dark, and she needed some light. She could often feel how vulnerable she has become after this. She often would act strong but deep inside she knew she might fail at any moment. As usual, sunlight came and hindered her thoughts, breaking her focus. She picked up the white sheet, but instead of placing it on the window she placed it on the mirror and allowed some light to come, went back to her bed, and started to stare back at the photo, again lost in the good memories she had.