अन्तर्मुख

“Love fills up the void in your life, that’s what people say. But no, it creates a void,” he thought while sitting on chairs, waiting for boarding for his flight to begin. These days flights often get delayed, all credit to the weather in Delhi, but it will be well in Mumbai. “Maybe you had the void already in your life, but it was not in focus. Now, love brings it forward, and you can’t focus anywhere else. I knew I was right,” he thought, with a Duchenne smile on his face. But then the air hostess announced that they had started the boarding. He was in business class, thus got to go in first, with bigger legroom and ample space to write during the flight. Also, you get some other perks by being a senior citizen. He walked slowly, one step at a time, with a slight inclination left and right with each step. Staff helped him with his baggage, and he boarded. “Hah… weather is good here,” he thought after landing in Mumbai. A person holding a placard with his name, Ved, approached him....

“Why are you obsessed with death?” “No, I am not.” “Well, you are. Because you are not afraid to talk about it.” “Yes, that’s right. I know I am going to die, and so are you. No matter how much I love you, I know you are going to die. Also, It’s symbolic as well, and not actual always.” “What do you mean by symbolic and actual?” “People die actually, and people die symbolically. You’ve not yet thought about how one can die symbolically. That’s all, but now this thought is not going to leave your mind.” “Stop it, please. Why talk about it, even if this is going to happen.” “Not talking about it also not going to stop it. Being immortal is the worst thing that can happen to us.” “I wouldn’t say so.. but still stop. I don’t want to talk now.” .. and then I stopped with a smile, knowing the person was going to die, either before me or after me. Things I did, Things we, in general, do in love will hold no meaning after some time, this is death. Death is not just limited to the hum...

Hey, how are you, how you doing ? need a shoulder, people are booing ? don’t worry they’ll go silent you just don’t get violent its been a while since you’re bearing load, go take rest, oh god. keep calm, it might take some time its life always out of rhyme why try so hard be a bard its been a while since you changed gears go shed some tears. so whats happening you don’t know things are out of way, don’t cry, listen hey! you’ve just missed the focus you’ll find the exact locus its been a while you pushed to keep going just try a bit slowing. what to watch what to do its heavy to carry just don’t worry its been a while since you’re carrying the wagon, go slay the dragon. nothing seems to be working you fail you lose don’t know how much to try you did best, you tried its been a while since you cried go cry. tried everything lost to life you are right its a hard fight and everyone cheated, everyone lied its been a while since a part of you died sacrifice it, let it die.

A thought crossed my mind right before I was leaving the office on the Friday night. What if the concept of rebirth is true? I haven’t written for long due to lack of sufficient arguments for anything. Life has been peaceful recently. If there are issues at hand then mind has something to grind onto. Maybe this is cost of the creativity. Cost as suffering, if you can think you can think in any direction beyond normal human capacity, even on the axis of how bad things can go. There is no limit to minds imagination as it can go through all the permutation and combination of worse in a matter of seconds, like a quick death. I won’t say I am creative, as not everybody is creative, as it is rare. Like not everybody is a neurosurgeon, not everybody get to go to IIT, not everybody gets to be the best in the field, similarly not everybody is creative. I recall Kumar Varun’s conversation with someone where he shared one of things is grandfather used to tell hi...

“How does she look?” asked his friends. This is never meant to answer with honesty. You get to lie about that. Because no matter how she looks they are going to make fun of her and one might not have the appetite for that. “Square face, small forehead, eyes and teeth like a rabbit, straight nose, small ears like a kid, and with all this she looks full of life and excited about life all the time.” He thought but didn’t say a word, because he knew what would happen. “Man, say it. How does she look ?” another friend asked. “Just like another girl. Just that her eyes and teeth are like a rabbit.” He said. “Oh, rabbit means bunny. that’s a nice name.” friends joked and all laughed at the same time. He too smiled while thinking of her. Time flies. The family welcomed Radha as their daughter. Her excitement about marriage was on another level. Be it an invitation card or food menu or decoration of the ...

A few months back, I came across a  YouTube short  of  Slavoj Žižek . I don’t watch reels or shorts as it’s a rabbit hole. Once you’re in, getting out is hard. That reel was a part of his interview and had a story.  Žižek  is a Slovenian philosopher. A girl came to  Žižek  and told him that when his last lover saw her naked, he told her to lose a few extra pounds. Her lover thinks she will be perfect once she loses 3 -4 extra pounds.  Žižek  told her not to lose that extra pound. He said that imperfection is the cause of desire. This imperfection held him close to her. He might lose interest in her once she loses those extra pounds. It is called the objective cause of desire in psychoanalysis. That brought two things to my mind. First, we are humans and naturally wired to find negatives anywhere. It is just simple threat protection mechanism. So if the girl secrets the extra pound, his partner’s eyes would the...